What The Heart Wants
by PhoebeSnow
Summary: Natasha never felt more lonely than the days when Steve was no longer by her side.


_That awful Staron kiss is not canon. ;)_

* * *

Natasha stared at herself in the mirror and sighed. Short blonde locks greeted her in addition to a faint pink discoloration at the ends.

 _Time for another dye job,_ she thought as she shook her head. _The hair is a bit uneven too. Guess I need to give myself a cut._ The assassin hummed quietly, holding up her hair to the mirror for a closer look. More than anything, she wanted to let her mane grow back and allow her auburn color to overtake the blonde dye.

It had been a difficult decision, but Natasha decided that it would be best for her to dye her hair and cut it shorter.

A bob was too short though, so she settled for a cut that stopped at her chin. Regrettably, it made her appear a few years older than she really was, but that was actually a good thing in her case. No one would've expected her to make such a drastic change. And since there were very few pictures of Natasha sans redheaded, this was the way to go. But those eyebrows. Ugh.

Natasha removed her clothes and stepped into the hot shower. She wasn't a vain woman, but she couldn't help the agitation that ran through her as she looked at her eyebrows. The damn things were awful and seemed to disappear whenever she checked her reflection. She should have left them alone because she looked like she had no eyebrows!

Steve would have laughed and told her that she looked fine. He always found a way to put a smile on her face, even when she didn't feel like smiling. Being without the super soldier by her side made Natasha feel a little lost.

Of course she was used to being on her own and it's not like she'd fade away into nothingness simply because Steve wasn't there, but the lack of his presence affected her strongly. After Clint, he was the person who understood her. Steve was one of very few people she allowed to get close to her. He trusted her as she trusted him and since they were partners as SHIELD agents and fellow Avengers, their relationship was better than most.

Natasha could still see the look on Steve's face three months ago when she stood in front of him in the hangar in Berlin. He didn't have the heart to fight her and she felt the same way. When she looked into Steve's eyes, she knew there was no way she'd could stop him. She loved him and regardless of the consequences of her actions, she allowed Steve and Bucky to escape.

It was a silly thing, but in that moment, Natasha had been overwhelmed with a strong desire to kiss Steve. She was terrified that she'd never see him again and that thought was hard to bear. But it wasn't the appropriate time to express her feelings towards him, so all she could do was give him an affectionate look as he left.

The redhead recalled how Steve's lips felt on hers that time when they kissed on the mall escalator. She initiated it because he was slow to respond and they nearly got caught. Natasha enjoyed the way her partner reacted, how he placed a hand on her waist as he gradually moved his mouth against hers.

Natasha pulled back sooner than she wanted, only because she was tempted to slip her tongue into his mouth and press her body to his. It was the wrong time to have inclinations to seduce Steve, but he just brought those emotions out of her. And the dreams, good grief.

There were many dreams about him, ranging from the romantic to passionate. In some, he'd been holding her in his arms, telling her how much he loved her. In others, he'd be driving her to the heights of ecstasy, using his lips and hands to send her into a sensual oblivion.

Each time, Natasha would wake up, look to the opposite side of the bed and feel broken-hearted that it was empty. She wished more than anything that Steve was there beside her so she could hold him.

"I wonder how he is. It's been three months now," She pondered as she scrubbed at her hair. It would be nice to think that he was trying to look for her, but he was probably too busy taking care of Bucky, Sam, Wanda and the others.

Once all the soap was rinsed from her scalp, Natasha turned the nozzle off and stepped out of the shower. She dried her body with a large towel and put on a sports bra, a bikini, a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt. Her mind was in a state of activity, so she didn't notice something was off until she heard a noise in the kitchen.

Instantly, the redhead was on alert and she grabbed a gun from her nightstand table, moving towards her cracked bedroom door. On the silent count of three, she pushed it completely open, cautiously made her way down the hallway and turned the corner. The sight before her made her pause mid step.

A blond man was standing at her kitchen island, chopping vegetables on her marble cutting board, whistling as if he were in his own home and he did this every day. There was no mistaking the form of Steve Rogers.

"Steve?" Natasha stared at his back in disbelief.

He stopped whistling and set the knife down, turning to face her. His hair had grown out and there was now a beard and mustache on his face. It was very masculine and attractive. He wore a pair of jeans, a sweater and was bare footed. Those lips upwards and he nodded. "It's me, Nat. I'm here."

With that, she ran forward and threw herself into Steve's arms, hands reaching out to clench his shirt and hold him to her. Tears fell from Natasha's eyes like droplets of rain and she let out a shuddering sob.

"I was hoping that you'd find me. God, I _missed_ you."

Steve accepted her hug, gently rubbing circles on her back, soothing her as he replied. "I wanted to come sooner, but after our escape, we had to get situated somewhere safe and it was important to lie low for a while."

"Of course. I would have done the same thing." She sighed and nuzzled his soft sweater. It had been too long since she last touched him and she was determined to enjoy every minute of his presence.

"It wasn't easy. Sam and Wanda had to do a lot of reasoning to keep me from looking for you. I...I know you can take care of yourself, Nat. You've been doing that way before I came out of the ice, but I still wanted to find you. Like you told me all those months ago, I didn't want you to be alone."

Natasha pulled back to look at him in shock. Hearing Steve repeat her own words back to her was unexpected, but it filled her heart with such joy. The softness in his face touched her deeply and she raised her fingers to graze his cheek.

"You remembered...after all this time."

"I could never forget anything about you, Nat." His beautiful blue eyes pierced her emerald ones and slowly, they drew closer and closer until their lips made contact.

This kiss was gentle and sensual, as sweet as a rose brushing Natasha's skin and she reveled in it. She let Steve set the pace, but kissed him with equal fervor. He tasted like wine and chocolate, a combination that tantalized Natasha's senses and set her nerves on fire.

Her hands buried themselves in his hair and brought them closer still, pelvis to pelvis. Natasha figured that she might as well express her desire for Steve with no reservations. His heart pounded against hers and she smiled in the kiss, pleased that he wanted her just as much as she wanted him.

Although he'd been quite reserved in their relationship in the past, Steve was not shy about showing her how he felt now. He explored her curves, trailing a path down her back and settling on her pert backside.

Natasha moaned when he bent his head to leave damp kisses on her neck, letting his tongue graze her skin before suckling on it with his mouth. _Damn._ This was getting heated very fast. She nudged him to get his attention. "Easy there, soldier."

He met her eyes again. "You want me to stop?"

"No..." Her stomach growled and they both laughed at the interruption. "Okay, I am a little hungry. Maybe you should finish what you were cooking and then, we can get back to that greeting. Does that sound good to you?"

"I can handle that." Steve brushed his lips to hers once more for a soft kiss and Natasha's heart sang from the tenderness of it. Finally, her dreams had come true.


End file.
